The Bequest

Hancock's Half Hour (Radio) Third Series - Programme 3

Hancock's rich Uncle Ebadiah dies, leaving him £40,000 on condition that he gets married. The trouble is, no-one will have him; then, a later will turns up...

Cast
Tony Hancock
Bill Kerr
Sidney James
Kenneth Williams
Andrée Melly
Alan Simpson

Programme Guide

Hancock's old Uncle Ebadiah dies and the Lad is summoned to the Solicitor's office, to hear the will being read out.

The solicitor, Mr Macduff (Kenneth Williams) reads: "Dear nephew Anthony, being a Hancock myself, I know just what you are thinking at this moment: How much has the old faggot left me?"
Hancock: "Never, it hasn't crossed me mind."
Macduff: "Liar!" - he carries on reading the will.

Hancock learns that he has "copped" for £40,000.00 and immediately bursts into a quick chorus of "Knees up Mother Brown" only to be stopped by Macduff.
Macduff: "Mr. Hancock, will you kindly get off my desk. There is more to come."
Hancock: "More? I should have sent a bunch of flowers. How much?"
Macduff: "Not money ... provisos."

He tells Hancock he cannot have the money, until he marries. Hancock then tries his various girl friends:- Andrée: "No"
Gladys: "You'll be lucky."
Mabel: "Oh get lost, Fatty"
Deirdre: "Well, you're too late. I got married yesterday."
And finally Andrée again.
Andrée: "No Tony I can't ... well, I've never thought of you as a life-long companion, looking after me, keeping me in sickness and in health, taking me everywhere with you, buying my clothes, paying for my keep. I hadn't thought of you like that"
Hancock: "I hadn't thought of myself like that."

Bill suggests that Hancock goes down to the dance hall to meet some modern girls. Hancock boasts of his prowess on the dance floor: "I leave them standing in the Bombay two-step. What? ... me feet going round like helicopter blades."
Sid suggests that he tries to look tough.
Sid: "Can you look like Robert Mitchum?"
Hancock: "No, but I can do a fair one of George Arliss."

At the dance hall, all is not well.
Hancock: "Oh come on, let's go home. I feel like Marty standing here."
Hancock finally makes it onto the dance floor with Stella, but her boyfriend turns up. In a brilliant cameo, Bill Kerr plays "Joe", with a touch of the Marlon Brando's
Joe: "Er, I'm very displeased, Stella, to see you here. I find you dancing with another citizen - who's the creep?"
Joe asks Hancock to step outside, so Hancock calls Sid over to sort out Joe, but they all have to make a run for it, when Joe's henchmen turn on them.

So, with all seemingly lost, Bill asks Hancock to try Andrée one more time with the romantic approach: soft lights, music, champagne, etc. To a background of Mantovani music, Andrée arrives. Hancock takes her wrap and then he kisses her shoulder and gets a hairpin in his throat. What's more, his smoking jacket still has the 57/6d label on the sleeve. He pulls at the label in anger and manages to tear the sleeve off.

Andrée: "Champagne! I love it. What year is it?"
Hancock: "1954"
Andrée: "Be careful as you open it. You don't want to spill any."
"Don't worry, little goose," says Hancock, getting the biggest laugh of the show, "I've spent my life opening champagne bottles. It's simple ... you just get the cork between your two thumbs" (FX: Champers fizzing away) " ... Tea, Indian,1955?"

Hancock tries the romance bit to the music, but the record sticks.
Hancock: "Hang on, I'll kick it" (FX Record player breaking down) "It's just not my day. I'll turn on the radio ... don't lose the mood ... the Light Programme" (FX Bagpipe music) "...that's romantic, that is Alistair Sim music."

Hancock is determined that the mood should not be lost, despite the many setbacks of the evening.
Hancock: "Andrée, I love you." Then, the door bell rings. Hancock goes to the door.
Hancock: "Oh no, come in."
It's Snide (Kenneth Williams): "Good evening, I'm looking for Anthony Hancock."
Hancock: "That's it, the mood is now stone-cold dead."

Caring little, Hancock takes only slight interest in Snide's ramblings until the latter announces that he's come with a message from Mr Macduff, the solicitor. Snide tells Hancock that Uncle Ebadiah's will was changed and now the £40,000.00 will go to the girl who marries Hancock.- "as the girl who marries him will have earned every penny of it."
Snide: "Yes, they will all be after you now, when they hear about this."
Hancock (thoughtfully): "Yes, they will. After all the trouble I've had trying to persuade one to have me, I think I'll get my own back a bit."

Next scene: Hancock: "Next"
Bill: "Marilyn."
Hancock: "No, sorry dear, saw your last film, didn't fancy you. Next."
Bill: "Diana."
Hancock: "No, I've got all your 3-D books at home. I'll make do with them. Next"
Bill: "Sabrina."
Hancock: "Next."
Bill: "Lollobrigida."
Hancock: "No. I wouldn't be able to understand a thing she says. Next."
Bill: "Andrée Melly." (FX: Music)
Andrée: "Oh Tony, Hancock, dearest heart, I'll never leave you. (aside) Well they wanted a happy ending, goodnight."

So ends another show, packed with plenty of fast-moving and quick-changing action. Plenty of (then) topical references; so much so, it is firmly placed in it's time. It simply couldn't be anywhere else but the 1950's. The show is worth the effort alone for the short dance hall sequence which depicts, so brilliantly, the whole sub-culture, which was the life in the dance-halls in the 1950's.