The Jewel Robbery

Hancock's Half Hour (Radio) Third Series - Programme 2

Sid uses Hancock's new Rolls-Royce as the getaway car in a smash-and-grab robbery - with Hancock and the others still inside it.

Cast
Tony Hancock
Bill Kerr
Sidney James
Kenneth Williams
Andrée Melly
Alan Simpson

Programme Guide

Amongst the bills for rates and electricity, is one for car tax, amounting to £12.10s.0d. Hancock won't pay it. "It's thirty-five bob more than I paid for the car" he says. So, he decides to buy a new car.

At the showroom, the salesman (Kenneth Williams) tells Hancock: "We prefer not to mention money", but the model he is interested in is worth £7,500.
Hancock: "For a man who doesn't like mentioning money, I think you forced yourself admirably."

Hancock asks if there is anything cheaper and finally buys a Rolls Royce Black and Yellow 1923 Town Carriage for £250. As it's a high-class place, Hancock is expected to send his chauffeur round to pick it up. Bill can't do the pick-up, as the salesman would recognise him.

"What I need," says Hancock "is a really accomplished liar."
"When do I start" says Sid.
Sid agrees to do the job, when he discovers the showroom is next the jeweller's shop and he goes off to find a uniform.
Hancock: "Look at that mounted policeman galloping back to the station in his combinations."
Sid returns with his uniform and says he'll have a little job to do at the jeweller's as well, so when he meets them round the corner, they might have to jump on the running-board.

(FX: Window breaking, running and car driving off, followed by police alarms) Sid arrives with the car, in a big hurry.
Hancock: "It's very good, Sid."
Bill: "How fast are we going ?"
Sid: "About 85."
Hancock: "Do you think we could come inside now?"

So he, Bill and Andrée climb in. They all agree that this is the life for them. Through the speaking tube, Hancock asks Sid to slow down, but Sid goes even faster. He even goes through a red light.
Hancock: "What's the matter with you?"
Sid: "I'm colour blind."
(FX: Police car bell ringing)
Hancock: "There's a police car behind us ... ringing a bell. I wonder what it's doing that for?"
Sid : "Probably selling crumpets."

Sid won't slow down even, when there is a policeman in the road holding them up. The policeman jumps on the bonnet, but Sid brakes quickly and he falls off. Then, they approach a level crossing. The gates are closed for an approaching train. Hancock is relieved now he knows Sid must slow down, but ...

Hancock: "He'll have to stop now (car picks up speed) ... he'll just have to stop and wait for the train (more speed). I mean he's got to stop hasn't he? (more speed) hasn't he? ... I mean, the gates are closed. He can't go through 'em, can he?
(FX: Train whistle and Hancock's getting desperate)
"Sid ... Sid, stop the car, there's a good Sid boy ... look, big gates closed, Sid, the train is coming, eyes down for a full house"
(FX crashing noise)
Hancock: (very relieved) "Well, of all the daft places to turn left straight up the railway line."

Whilst passing the station platform, Bill grabs a newspaper which tells, in the stop press, of a jewel robbery by a man in a chauffeur's uniform. Hancock thinks this is stupid, because the man will now have read this and be changing his clothes. Meanwhile, Sid persuades Hancock that he'll look good in the uniform and changes clothes with him. After doing this, Hancock says the thief would leave the Charlie to be caught and Sid grabs his black bag and bids them goodbye. Hancock says that, all in all, the man's a right Charlie.

"Oh, Charlie", says Andrée and then tells Hancock that a car in the robbery was a Yellow and Black Rolls Royce owned by a "Lord Hancock".
"What's the world land speed record," says Hancock, "Hang on, I'm going to have a go."

They manage to get away from the police, but then the car breaks down. Luckily, an AA man on a motorcycle arrives on the scene. Unluckily, it's Snide (Kenneth Williams).
Snide: "I'm an AA man."
Hancock: "Where's the nearest R.A.C. box? The car has broken down and we're in a terrible hurry."
Snide: "It's always the way, isn't it?"

Snide can't get his new uniform dirty, if he goes under the car to repair it, so Hancock swaps clothes with him. While Snide is working beneath the vehicle, Hancock, Bill and Andrée escape on Snide's motorbike. Then, the police approach Snide and the programme ends with Snide saying: "Good evening, Officer, your car broken down too? Oh well, perhaps I can be of some assistance."

These earlier shows certainly have a lot of action and, in this one, the car chase scene is definitely the highlight of the performance.