The Televison Set

Hancock's Half Hour (Radio) Second Series - Programme 9

Unable to afford a television set, Hancock buys a home construction kit from Sid - and, surprisingly, manages to make it work. All goes well until a neighbour calls...

Cast
Tony Hancock
Bill Kerr
Sidney James
Andrée Melly
Kenneth Williams
Alan Simpson

Programme Guide

Introduction by Kenneth Williams: "There comes a time in the life of man ... when he must make the final decision, which eventually we all must make..."

Hancock: "So that's it, I'm going to buy a television set."

Bill and Andrée are both against the idea.

Andrée: "You didn't need a television set when you first met me, you used to clear the tea things away, send Bill to the pictures and you'd still be chasing me around the table when he got back ... you're tired of me.

Hancock: "No I'm not, I'll still be able to spare you a few minutes while the Interludes on."

Bill feels there are more important things they need.

Bill: "We could buy things for my bedroom."

Hancock: "Such as?"

Bill: "Well ... bed clothes, a bed spread, - a bed."

Hancock: "No ... you'll have to make do with the top of the wardrobe."

They go down to the Radio Shop in the high Street.

Bill: "It's a bit expensive. Look at that little table model - 8 inch screen - they want 240 for it"

Hancock: "That's volts."

Bill: "I don't care what currency it's in. It's still a lot of money.

Hancock thinks they should get a good deal here, because he gets all his fuse wire from them. Bill's not interested because they haven't got any beds. Hancock leaves disappointed when he finds the cheapest set is around £60 - he only wants to spend about £15.

Andrée tries to console him: "Never mind, you can chase me when we get back." Hancock is not impressed. "I won't run fast", offers Andrée.

Bill thinks they can get a beautiful bed for £15, but this offer is not taken up. Hancock determines to get a television by hook or by crook.

Sid: "Somebody mention me?"

They go to Sid's warehouse. Sid tries to sell Hancock a gramophone.

Hancock: "It's a bit old, isn't it?"

Sid: "Twenty quid and I'll give you a dog to look down it."

Eventually, Sid sells Hancock a home construction television set for ten pounds. Sid insists it's easy to build; all the parts are numbered and a child could build it in two minutes. So, he suggests Hancock allows about two hours if he's doing it.

Back home, Bill and Tub take up all the house to construct the set. They get all the 5,000 parts joined together, but the monster they've built leaves them trapped in the bathroom. So, Hancock tells Andrée to get the kid from next door to come and help. The child manages to get all the parts put inside the wooden cabinet in ten minutes.

Andrée: "Sit down."

Hancock: "Ahhh, I'll murder that perishing kid. What a place to leave a soldering iron."

Meanwhile, the set has warmed up and come on.

Hancock: "Here's the weatherman. I don't like him, he's smarmy ... look at him ... he's all teeth and trousers ... look what he's doing to those maps ... he's chalking all over 'em ... I bet they aren't his."

There is play on that Hancock particularly wants to see.

Sid comes round: "Blimey, you got it working."

They all settle down to watch the play.

Hancock sits on the stool: "Ahhh, who put the soldering iron on it? Oh, me whipcord gabardine."

Sid asks when the racing's on, but they tell him to shut up. Then, the door bell goes and Hancock answers it.

It's Snide (Kenneth Williams): "Good evening, I'm your next door neighbour."

Hancock: "Well, make the most of it. I'm moving tomorrow."

Snide has come round to borrow a pint of milk for his cat. Hancock gets him a quart and is attempting to usher him out when Snide notices the set.

Snide: "Oooooh, you've got a telly"

Hancock tries to terminate the visit, but Snide gets himself inside and sits down in Hancock's chair to watch the set with everyone else.

Snide: "You haven't bought one of those sets, have you?"

Hancock: "Yes ... and we're trying to watch the play."

Snide: "I'll give it three weeks and you'll need a new tube ... Of course it's nothing to do with me, but I think you've bought a lot of rubbish there."

Sid: "Oi ... pimples."

Snide: "Are you talking to me?"

Sid: "Yes ... and if you keep on, I'll probably be the last person to do so."

As the play continues, we here the voices of the two lovers.

Woman's voice (Andrée): "It's no good, Henry."

Man's Voice (Bill): "But Helen ... not even for the children."


Man: "Oh, Helen, Helen, What have I done?"

Snide: "Where are the sandwiches? ... everywhere I go they make sandwiches. Hancock tells him there will be no sandwiches.

Snide: "But I'm hungry, I only want a handful of something."

Sid: "How about a few teeth?"

Then the television goes on the blink and Snide starts trying to fix it with the aid of a hammer and chisel. The set catches fire and the fire service is called. Snide says he can be of no further assistance and bids them goodnight.

Hancock: "Me furniture's ruined. Me house's burned down ... I've nothing left."

Bill: "Yes you have. I've managed to save one thing."

Hancock: "What?"

Bill: "The bed. Goodnight Tub."

An interesting "Half Hour". Apart from one or two flights of fancy, the scripts are becoming more and more realistic. The section when they are watching the play and being interrupted by Kenneth Williams seems like a rehearsal for the classic "Sunday Afternoon at Home".