The Holiday Camp

Hancock's Half Hour (Radio) Second Series - Programme 5

Hancock is hired by Sid to run a holiday camp - a converted army camp on an artillery practice range.

Cast
Tony Hancock
Bill Kerr
Sidney James
Gerald Campion
Andrée Melly
Alan Simpson
Dennis Wilson - piano

Programme Guide

This programme exploits the comic potential of a holiday camp, with the host repeating the phrase "Hi de hi", to which the campers are expected to reply "Ho de ho". A fair idea for one programme and maybe even one series, but not for several series.

We open with the news that Hancock is about to get a big offer from Sid James. On his way to see Sid, he stops off to talk to a pavement artist (Alan Simpson).

Hancock: "Of course, I'm an artist myself."

Simpson: "I thought you were."

Hancock: "Yes, you could tell the way I use me shirt as a paint rag ... I started as a Pre-Raphaelite, but I found they weren't doing anything for me, so I voted Methodist.

"Hurry up Tub" says Bill, who from now on, only rarely ever refers to him as Tony.

Hancock, Bill and Andrée arrive at Sid's, to find a board meeting in progress. Sid is informing his directors that the forgery department is going to have to close down on account of the half crowns were costing 2 and 8d to make. Sid tells Hancock and co. that he wants them to run a holiday camp for him - he's just bought one down on the South Coast.

"Get down there." says Sid, "There's money to be made. Why, in another year or two you might even become another Billy Bunter."

"But why me ?" asks Hancock.

"You've got a kindly face." explains Sid, "and you've got charm and that warm smile too."

"Yes" glows Hancock, "I suppose I have. It's that clean living." he continues, spilling forth his mega-vanity with rhetoric sufficient to take him through the incidental music and on into the next scene at the camp.

The holiday site is in fact a derelict Army camp.

Hancock: "Fifteen quid a week this? It's covered in slip trenches."

Sid: "That's the Venetian corner. It's a perfect site."

Bill protests: "You can't do it, Sid. It would take a year of hard work to make it look like a slum."

"Come to Hancock's Holiday Camp, the Cannes of the South Coast." says Hancock, until he is silenced by the noise of a shell whizzing by and exploding. The camp is sited next to an artillery range. As the shells come over thick and fast, one falls particularly close by.

Hancock: "Well, that's one less chalet to clean."

Nevertheless, the three of them set about cleaning up the camp with Andrée doing most of the work. Soon, they are ready to take in campers.

Hancock: "There's going to be trouble about the beds" (Why?) .. "We've only got six ..I know, one chance, late night dancing and early P.T. - keep 'em on the go."

So begins the massive charade to cover up the many shortcomings of the place, including a drunk cook, 'Iggins, who can only serve up porridge.

Hancock: "Uncle Tony welcomes you all, Chickety snitch, Hi de hi" (FX: shell whizzing by) "everybody down" (FX shell exploding) "right on yer feet for a recount."

In order to give the campers the expected three shows per night, Bill and Tub have to alternate on all three. First, Anthonio Hancockio and Billio Kerrio perform their Latin dancing in the Spanish room (a Nissan hut with two onions on it).

Hancock: "Doesn't this finger clicking ruin your nails."

Then, they put on a quick turban to present the rope trick in the Persian room. Finally, they reach the American Soup Bar.

Bill: "Boys and girls, look who's dropped in - Johnny Ray."

Hancock: "Walt a minute, I haven't got me hearing aid in yet."

More shells fall and with the camp virtually destroyed, Sid is quite happy. He's cleaned up on £40,0000 insurance and he even wants them to open a camp in the States.

Hancock (with a Southern drawl and slight touch of the method): "Come along campers, Chickety snitch, kids" (FX: Explosion) "Don't forget to book your coach trips round the mushroom cloud. Get your Geiger counters at the gate. The bus leaves..." (FADE and Out)

The series of explosions, Sid's board meeting and Sid's feeding of Hancock's ego would make it seem just like a "Goon Show" if it were not for the fact that, for instance, with his vanity, Hancock's characterisation was already erupting into the more complex manifestation which came to fruition from 1956 to 1961. After these dozen and a half programmes, Hancock is nearer the Lad 'Imself than the stilted personification with the slightly clipped expressions that opened in "The First Night Party".