A HOUSE ON THE CLIFF

Hancock's Half Hour (Radio) First Series - Programme 13

Hancock wants to build a house - but Sid takes a hand, and he finishes up building three.

Cast
Tony Hancock
Bill Kerr
Moira Lister
Sidney James
Alan Simpson

Programme Guide

The announcement says that the repairs to your house are one of the biggest items in the cost of living and Tony Hancock's house in bad enough to keep thirty full-time labourers in employment.

Hancock: "Right , give me another nail, Bill. (FX: Hammering) There we are, 63 nails in that. How does It look?"
Bill: "Very nice, but there ought to be a better way of putting wallpaper up. Why don't you use paste like everybody else?"
Hancock: "Paste? - because the paper's too thin , the paste would soak right through (Pause) - wouldn't be able to read the headlines."

Hancock's house is indeed in a terrible state of repair. He's fixed the roof, but the rain continues to pour through . "I can't understand it," says Hancock . "You wouldn't think rain would get through cardboard that thick". Moira arrives amidst all the chaos and knocks on the door, which immediately falls down.

Bill and Moira convince Hancock that he should buy another home. He shows them the design he has in mind. "It's Buckingham Palace", says Hancock, "Well not exactly the same. Those sentry boxes can go for a start." This is the start of a running gag about sentry boxes. Galton and Simpson would use the 'running gag' device from time to time.

Moira tells him to be practical and get a bungalow. Hancock: "Yes, I'll have a lift going up to the top floor."
Moira: "Tony, this might come as a shock to you, but a bungalow has nothing upstairs".
"Perfect", says Bill, "a house that reflects his own personality."

Reluctantly Hancock goes to Sid, who cons him into buying two houses - one house at the bottom of a cliff and the second at the top, for when the first one is flooded, when the tide comes in.

Sid insists that his own builders do the work and, naturally enough, their progress leaves a lot to be desired. Hancock goes over to talk to the foreman (who is Alan Simpson, with his 'yes' man character).

During this exchange, the ad-libs come thick and fast, as the two of them are clearly enjoying the formula they created. There are several asides from Alan Simpson and, at one point, Hancock says "Don't try and dominate", which draws even more laughter from the audience.

In desperation, Hancock, Bill and Moira decide to do their own labouring, but with one house under water most of the time and the other one liable to collapse, Hancock settles on the idea of a third house, this time two miles inland. The third house is finished. "Third time lucky", thinks Hancock, until Sid informs him that the house is sinking way out of sight.
Says Sid: "You're a pioneer, Hancock, you're the first man to unsuccessfully build a house on Romney Marsh.

The show ends with a news announcement: "Last night, a sentry box was stolen from outside Buckingham Palace. Will the thieves kindly return the sentry." Should anyone doubt the relevance of these scripts today, then take note that the opening sequence of this show was successfully used to enhance a radio 'Do it yourself' programme in 1983 . A fine achievement when you realise that this script was then 28 years old.